It’s been a while and clearly some changes to posting have been made. I am very much looking forward to be having next week off from the grind.
I tanked hard today; i also had bread after not having it for two weeks so the chemical interactions probably aren’t helping but I just had some memories come up that had me recognizing things and down I go.
I remember reading and then watching The Joy Luck Club when I was young and not understanding how one of the moms would fall into deep depressions recalling certain events... and now that I’m older, the same thing happens to me. I understand now how much of an enemy your own mind can be to you.
There are times I miss the times when I thought life would get better. I remember thinking that one day I’d find the right partner, one day I’d be better with money and things wouldn’t always be so tight; that I’d have a life like lots of other people do. I didn’t realize at the time how much of the uncertainty and instability cane from within ME.
I fall off the wagon the same way whether I’m dieting for weight or for allergies. I had a couple cleare days but have fallen off the wagon spectacularly for the last two and my rashes are all nuts. I tell myself the things I’m eating will make me miserable but it doesn’t help curb the bad choices.
I’ve accepted addiction is the issue but am forever grappling with how to work around it. Medication is not out of consideration, but given my other issues, luck and soon to be lack of insurance it’s not in the cards now. Because of the Dopamine issues and Serotonin level issues I demonstrate, it seems like I’d need an SSRI. I just recognize that by myself, I can’t maintain good decisions about food, no matter how hard I try.
I have these thoughts that swirl around in my head sometimes that meet up with complimentary thoughts that are also going around in there and then I have realizations about my life.( Collapse )
I’ve got White Fragility coming in the Mail. I’ve got to finish reading The Illiad ASAP... my book light just died. LoL.
I’m doing a low histamine diet in the hopes that it can mitigate the onset of itching for me this summer. Last years hella rash began as a heat rash that went off the rails. With my allergy history, I really believe histamine intolerance may be an issue for me. We shall see.
Working out is going well, I’m doing the elliptical and health rider either in combination or alone each day. I’ve been getting up earlier and that seems to be throwing off my desire to do my patio laps in the evenings but doing something is the goal and it’s working.
I’ve been reading “The Illiad” but It’s going so slow, I just can’t get into it. I was wanting to read a book a month but this has totallly thrown off my pace.
School is over this week.( Collapse )
Plbbt. I fall off the wagon so much I may as well walk. I feel like I’m in hand to hand combat whenever food comes into the equation. I’ll have a plan, I’ll have drunk the water/eaten some protein/ planned out my portion and then in the moment my brain is either negotiating like mad or just shutting that down all together.